It is all business with very little room for feelings like love. Nearly 90 percent of the marriages across India are arranged, according to research by Statistic Brain Research Institute. The Telugu Reddy community that Srini belongs to is infamous for its exorbitant dowry demands.
Our reservations have nothing to do with parting with such a large amount of money. They were about the sexist and regressive idea we would be supporting.
Sati is more or a less a thing of the past. It has been accepted as a barbaric practice that had to end. But not dowry. My sister and I went to the same school and had the same teachers, though five years apart. She said it was basic economics that we were too young to understand. Instead of being regarded as a crime and a source of shame, dowry has become a matter of pride.
It is not as discreet as one would expect with an act of illegal transfer of assets. It is flashy and in your face. It is discussed over coffee at family gatherings. Sons-in-law are often introduced with the price tag they come with. We gave my daughter 4 crores. Sons are seen as assets. There is a strong preference for male children, which has been blamed for years of female feticide.
Side note: Fetus sex determination has been illegal in India since But the sex ratio in the age group 0 to 6 continues to decline. This has left India with a very unbalanced sex ratio. There are women for every 1, men according to census. India has 37 million more men than women, making it hard for men to find suitable brides.
In certain parts of the country, wife sharing among brothers has become common. Low supply and high demand should have tipped the scales in favor of women.
Yet the dowry market has not seen any discernible drop. As research points out, dowry has become an institutionalized and integral part of the Indian marriage. Social and economic realities do little to keep it in check. Often, education is touted as the cure-all for social malaises and inequalities.
But research shows that educated grooms tend to demand higher dowries. Education is reduced to just another factor that determines your market rate. A good education generally translates to higher earning potential. A well-educated groom could cash that in for a good hike in the dowry. A well-educated woman, on the other hand, might be penalized for it. The conventions in arranged marriages do not permit the wife earning more than the husband.
A high-salaried woman would be matched only with a higher-salaried man who commands exorbitant dowry because of his income. The messages about dowry we received were very mixed. On one hand, there was the textbook, and then there were all the people who talked about dowry as an inevitable and natural rite of passage for women. But thanks to our feminist mother and a steady diet of Malayalam movies that featured stories about women murdered by exploding gas cylinders for not meeting dowry demands, I never once doubted which side I was on.
Still, conversations involving our dowries happened around my sister and me all the time. Growing up in a middle-class family in India, I was made to believe that my parents not having a son was the biggest tragedy that had been visited upon them. Strangers would give my parents a look of sympathy on learning that they had two daughters and no sons. When my father did anything that might be considered irresponsible, his sister would remind him that he has two daughters.
He has liabilities. He could not afford to goof off. Our parents were often accused of failing to put our best interests in focus. Our mother was told by well-meaning elders to rein in our independence and to save for our marriages instead of buying us video games and computers.
When my sister chose to stray away from the beaten path of engineering or medicine — the only two career choices children in my extended family are given — strangers warned my parents that they would have to pay more dowry to get my sister married. My sister chose to be a fashion designer. And fashion designing, I learned then, is not very high on the list of preferred jobs in the marriage market.
I have since then wondered many times the reasoning behind the bias against fashion designing, which could be as lucrative as engineering.
We were taught to stick to the tried and tested. Fashion designing was not it. This was not going to be an easy decision. She said she is against the idea of dowry. Priya is a year-old human resources consultant who is trusted to make important decisions every day at work. But she was not included in any of these discussions about her marriage. On the rare occasion she was consulted, the extended family members were not happy with her attitude.
We thought it was settled, but guilt started gnawing at us. I would often wake up in the middle of the night to see Srini staring at his financial portfolio, willing it to make a decision for him.
Srini and I met 10 years ago at work in Hyderabad, India. Historically in most Indian cultures, the bride lived with her husband in his ancestral home with his family. The dowry is a present a bride takes with her to her new in-laws. What Is Polki Jewelry? Your Privacy Rights. To change or withdraw your consent choices for Brides. At any time, you can update your settings through the "EU Privacy" link at the bottom of any page. These choices will be signaled globally to our partners and will not affect browsing data.
We and our partners process data to: Actively scan device characteristics for identification. I Accept Show Purposes. Learn about the history and meaning of this wedding tradition. By Erum Salam. Erum Salam. Erum Salam is a writer at The Guardian. Brides's Editorial Guidelines. Fact checked by Cherisse Harris. Cherisse Harris is a fact-checker with a focus on lifestyle, beauty, and parenting.
She's worked in research for nearly two decades. What Is a Dowry? Frequently Asked Questions. Who pays the dowry? Dowry is a common practice in many parts of the world, especially in South Asia and several Middle East and North Africa countries.
The Indian Penal Code lays down the anti-dowry law with regards to dowry deaths, under Section B and cruelty or domestic violence for dowry demands, under Section A. Skip to content Articles.
0コメント